Finally had taken the long awaiting results, and its out last monday but get to knew it on thursday after i called up.
Of course you did ask how well do i do?
It wasnt bad as overall but it wasnt even anywhere near my target. I was utterly disappointed that i'm speechless.
Collected the results with Dad, on the way there, he did be keep giving pressure and calm himself. I just kept quiet and decided not to have lunch. I just talk to my heart, i knew i was gonna get 16 plus due to all the mistakes and shit i done. But i pray inside hoping my sixth sense was wrong.
Walk in exam centre and signed and Dad sees the result. He was really upset and disappointed i did not get 18. All the was he mentioning abt i need another 1.65 to get 18.. Had my lunch at Subway, just bite and swallow. Did not even chew, i was practically speechless and numb but i couldnt express how i felt or to break down. Until that night and few nights later i still couldnt cry and it feel sucks because i felt very disappointed.
I questioned myself why is my kitchen marks so low? In fact the lowest. I did my best and scored during most of the term assessment, but why i couldnt get higher marks? I was devastated because at that point i start to doubt my ability in culinary because that was what i wanna do for my degree.
Never mind that, i went to ask about scholarship and my eligibility for the courses and stuff and received another blow that i wasnt qualified to further in advanced diploma in pattisserie. I was already giving up every hopes and dreams. I couldnt make up my mind to work or study anymore due to the financial.
IF only i scored 18, i had a chance to fight for 100% scholarship, now all i could fight for was an 8000 per annum.
Right now my concern was more to my heart issues. Would i wants my parents to use their EPF for my studies? Would i do well in culinary degree since results has proven me not? Would i able to fight through another 2 years?
Till now i couldnt and doesnt know what to do. Been insomnia for a week? All thoughts are coming to my mind every night. I cant stop my mind from not thinking. I feel depressed now.
I know as compared to others i have alraedy been very well for being in the top 5 of whole diploma in hospitality and getting the best mentions for the results which is congratulation from jury but..
All i have for the actual marks was at the border line. I could say its just i have lucks with me.
I M DISAPPOINTED. Most probably by this coming thursday would be knowing if i'm continuing degree.
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