Journey of growing up and out of cocoon to be a survivor

hospitality students controversial issues

2011-10-20T19:43:00.000+08:00

Its been bugging me much since the day i actually had dinner alone at the 2nd floor.
I overheard this girls and guys was talking about how hospitality courses is easy as compared to ADP.
I wish i had my courage to walk up to them and say my opinion.
I know that's their opinion but i just feel this is not right.

Why people stereotype hsopiatlity students as smokers, as people with easy life and shit like that.
hello, have anyone actually try stand in our shoes and experienced a 12 hour class a day?

I know know the arguments lies in that hospitality is art subjects, and ADP are focus on science.

Eh, hello use ur brain la. SCIENCE is DEAD. Management is harder than science for god sake.
Managing people doesnt only just use brain cells to memorise theories that's being there for God know how long it is been there already.

If your courses is about playing experimenting with dead chemicals and livign organism that has no choice to fight back when u dissect them , you are the controller a. But for your info, Hospitality has to deal with thousands and millions of types of character of human. Human can fight back!

remember that yo..

Its just an outburst . I was once a science student as well, so dont judge me that i'm just a person who has been doing art subject hence its easy for me to say that. I never said science is easier. Its just you know, STOP stereotyping people based on what they love to do and dont judge if you aint them.

Rememeber one thing : we are in control of what kind of hotel room you stayed in when you people goes travelling . Dont provoke hoteliers, you will suffer :)

I'll be back to justify my thoughts soon enough

Flying on stress

2011-10-17T16:41:00.000+08:00

Days after days, weeks after weeks,

I'm still rushing assignments, it seems it doesnt ends.

Amidst all the works, i still have time for meeting up the old friends.

It feels good to just drive and argue in the car not knwoing where to go, and end up sitting at a mamak at secluded place near Big Mouth in ss15 Subang jaya.

Its relaxing much, somehow open up my mind on lots of things.

Take control of ur life, dont let life take control of you.

I cant wait to shop again!

SHOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG makes me go gaga.. Visit Us!

www.miss-desiree.blogspot.com

Rainbow from the space

2011-10-04T20:11:00.000+08:00

Eyes been twitching like non stop for three days.
It feels like i m having spasm, there's nothing i can do about it.
I'm upset over so much things, nevertheless letting go of the past is hell hard.

Its takes two to tango but one to let go. just something across my mind as i think about us.

I'm tired, it feels empty all the sudden. You had ur fair share of fun but i never had when you are away.
Have u considered my feels when you are away for fun ?

Stress is building up like nobody business. What doesnt kills you makes you stronger. i doubt.

University life is good yet bad. group work is just an ass, time consuming. I would rather do invidually.

I JUST NEED TO KEEP MY MIND SANE!

Something to look forward to, Convocation. :) <3

Do check out http://miss-desiree.blogspot.com/ peeps.

Cheap and shopping heaven for people like me. I'm money conscious but i would buy from there. trust me :)

hello peepssssss

2011-09-25T01:22:00.002+08:00

ahh..
Finally back alive :)

peeps, check this blogshop out.
Its cheap and affordable.
Purchase a skirt from them and i like it so much.
Its a price that's something everyone can afford.

http://miss-desiree.blogspot.com/
go and have a look!

Here and then

2011-09-10T16:26:00.000+08:00

I iz angry with certain brainless people who insult others directly just because someone else mistakenly said a word. Bleh. Such a b*tch.

Updates on my life?
Pretty much let down tat i wasn't being selected to be shortlisted, if wasnt based on result why so many ppl who are top get it? and why ppl who got lesser than me got it too? Wonder why. Its much easier to say i dont mind than to actually feel dont mind about it.

Moving out from home has been done and so far living and eating wasn't a problem,but i guess the shower and toilet bowl all couldn't work well with me because it decided to spoil and somehow the blame come on to me because it only happens after i move in. Crap.

I am enjoying that having dinner with the right company at night just feel great, having loved ones and awesome friends to eat with every night, just cheers up my mood of the long day at class. I smiled and laugh during meal,that's a good things isnt it? :)

Getting off for wedding dinner soon :) Time for updates next time. Exam coming too, just need to work hard !

Toodles,
Me.

Harsh

2011-08-25T09:27:00.000+08:00

Living life at its moment..
Having so much to blog from klang boston dinner to genting trip and college life.
Currently just prioritising over the STEP Hilton programme and hopes for the best.

Whatever that comes i would accept, if it meant to be mine i would have to work harder and be more nerd.
Otherwise, i would still move on and do my best. Its extra stress and [pressure but if i could handle it well it could boost myself up.

Its pretty amazing how time could pass so fast, with a blink of an eyes, this has been the 5th week and just another two more weeks life gonna get hectic and stressful for assignments and assesment.

Everyday i'm living my life with the hope that everything happens for a reason and there would be solution , i just needed to be patient and i will seek the solution. Doesnt know if it really applicable but at least its a hope i could hold on . Its like a dim light that i try to see.

the little sparks that brighten the darkness.

Till then,
Xoxo.

Mentally exhausted

2011-08-15T15:13:00.000+08:00

So much to do but i wish not to do.

Can i just hide myself?

The complicated thoughts

2011-08-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

Why would we argue all the time?
Its best to seek for a solution than to end something,
but i'm growing tired, saying sorry that i dont meant it.

Insecure growing, confidense losing, faith seems never appeared.

Why is it so?

Shouldnt i be doing something for myself instead of others?
Since when i start to care ?
Why dont i leave?

Isnt my happiness my priority anymore?

One day you will be leaving and i will be regretting because i made a choice not for myself.

I'm trying to save US.

First week

2011-08-01T16:18:00.000+08:00

One week has passed, i still not used to classes,
Been sleepy in all the class, enormous stress is coming.

Thinking about the portfolio that need to be done can get me nervous breakdown :(
Tomorrow or to be precise tonight need to decide where to go for training but yet reach a decision .

So much thoughts but no where to pour on so that nobody makes assumption.

Life's been hard to me, how about you?

I lost the fire, but i do still cares. This part sucks because we all knew it might not go anywhere anymore but trying to fight through it , its quite hard.

Will you fight for something u knew there's no future? Or would u live by, never try never know?

Overwhelming

2011-07-27T00:48:00.000+08:00

As much as life changes, my mind does change that frequents too.
I made a U-turn after a surprisingly night when i realised i receive the scholarship though i did not attend the interview. But of course, the amount was reduce by half . It came as a surprise as i have given up every tiny little hope.
With that good news, i battled with my self again and comes to a decision to continue degree.

Today, is the first day of class. Everything was fine except the very painful sole due to corn. Entered the class and felt so stranger as it comprise mostly batch 33 and they were much noisier than my batch. I just wonders why world today become so loud.

Classes were long and real boring except for accomodation management where the lecturer was a bit lame and funny. The fnb management send me a chill in the spine, i was terrified due to the blank-ness he teach and i couldnt really understand what he's teaching. Degree isnt the same as diploma.

There's a portfolio to be done every subject, just got no idea if i could cope.

Feeling quite stressed out on the first day itself, i'm tired yet i couldnt sleep. Industrial training was another big headache, choosing a place to go actually giving big headache as there are a lots of factor to be considered and this time if i'm gone i will be gone from november till march which means i practically missed out on christmas, new year, chinese new year. This sucks but i hopes i would choose the best place and make the best out of it.

China, Penang, Malacca, KL or beaches?

Life's about taking chances and it comes with risks that i dare not take.

Rolling on the cheek

2011-07-19T10:32:00.000+08:00

Things arent going anywhere i wanted anymore.Scholarship interview was suppose to be at 2pm today, after everything happen, my decision has change yet again. Life's is so surprising at times.

Feeling all broken the whole night locking myself in the room ignoring everything. Nothing could persuade me anymore. Mum, i'm sorry i did not listen to you last night. I know there was no way out of this thing safe and happy anymore. I decides to choose happiness over complcations. I'm coward to try to fight for it because it seems if i continue, he wouldnt be happy or blessing me. And i'm not keen of listening to that sentence anymore or spend both your money.

Waking up moment ago crying yet again because i know how much i would missed and regret. But i had no choice. I just couldnt stop the tears from rolling. I fight back but i couldnt hold it inside.I had enough of myself crying whole night till now. I'm tired.

God, i doesnt know what you have installed for me, i just hopes that you lead me the right way. I ahd enough of things that fool me around. I doesnt wanna cry anymore after today. I'm done and i will follow your way.

Copy paste the smile and life will be greater and better perhaps.

Arse anal

2011-07-15T15:48:00.002+08:00

Work, life, reality, pain, insomnia.

Done. :P

Life Vs Reality

2011-07-11T15:33:00.000+08:00

After a long Saturday night, i made my choice..
But i havent informed my decision..
Stills waiting for my scholarship interview invitation. *finger crossed*

I made a hard decision and i believe things will fall in place, i will let God guide me through.

I set my goal after a long lost journey in my life.

Get a Degree in management, work to gain experience, part time pastry cert, open a pastry shop/ cafe, work as owner.

Long term plan of life. Hopes i could achieve my dreams.

have a great day ahead everyone. :)

Weheartit speaks the heart

2011-07-09T22:08:00.002+08:00

Dateline

2011-07-09T22:07:00.000+08:00

I finally speaked up but my words arent taken in.
At that moment i felt so frustrated because i was given another chance to go through another hell-a-way of ride to decide.

It is really that hard to make a decision, it felt like as if you are making a decision as God. Actually to think about it, I wonder how God actually made a decision. I believe we as human itself finds it hard to make a decision, but God himself had to decide all the choices in the world. Yes? No?

Correct me if i'm wrong.

There are way too much problems in the head giving me insomnia that i couldnt bare. Getting awake until dawn is not a good sign for the body, for i know i'm gonna collapsed soon either mentally or physically. Worst knowing there's actually nothing i can do about it except letting it set and goes away. The feeling of helpless to help yourself.

The dateline are again tomorrow, Sunday. The Sabbath. It was suppose to be a rest day but not for me i guess. Decision to be made. But standing here i doesn't know where to run to. Left or Right? I would prefer to run but i couldnt run far.

Work over Studies?

What say you?

No one

2011-07-06T15:28:00.001+08:00

I had never felt this before, it feel like i would rather just suicide over deciding.
Yes,i applied scholarship and they respond to send all the transcript, who knows i followed my heart too much and now i regret choosing culinary option. Doesnt know if i could change.

This post would be much about the hearts.

I m still undecided over hospitality or culinary. Senior says culinary is not easy plus the final year there's no more practical for kitchen, then what i'm gonna do? Hospitality is my base and i have little interest but not sure if it enough to keep me lasting. Will i be dreading over my next 2 years to just finish up? And his words that i'm not a talkative and my attitude is just not what a hospitality industry wants keep my mind spin and doubt myself taking hospitality.

Besides that i had already told dad about i wants to join culinary when i ended my diploma, what if i change my mind, what will he think about it?Will he agree? But the past 2 years he has been very unsupportive.

Next, i doesnt wanna use their money anymore. And i know how well the financial status of the house. I'm not tat dumb or heartless and selfish to study and ignore the problems that will occur.

Okay, what about working? Most probably the best thing to do but i wish to study. There's too many ppl think i should study too.

I realise i have been talking about what everyone thinks and says, this is because i myself doesnt know who i m. I m a lost soul.

I am just tired. I doesnt know how to speak to Dad that i wanna work. I am afraid i would argue with him. I doesnt wanna argue.

I AM TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Conscience versus self

2011-07-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

Self inflciting pain with shits going around. If only i'm selfish enough.

Imperfections

2011-07-03T21:07:00.001+08:00

Finally had taken the long awaiting results, and its out last monday but get to knew it on thursday after i called up.
Of course you did ask how well do i do?

It wasnt bad as overall but it wasnt even anywhere near my target. I was utterly disappointed that i'm speechless.

Collected the results with Dad, on the way there, he did be keep giving pressure and calm himself. I just kept quiet and decided not to have lunch. I just talk to my heart, i knew i was gonna get 16 plus due to all the mistakes and shit i done. But i pray inside hoping my sixth sense was wrong.

Walk in exam centre and signed and Dad sees the result. He was really upset and disappointed i did not get 18. All the was he mentioning abt i need another 1.65 to get 18.. Had my lunch at Subway, just bite and swallow. Did not even chew, i was practically speechless and numb but i couldnt express how i felt or to break down. Until that night and few nights later i still couldnt cry and it feel sucks because i felt very disappointed.

I questioned myself why is my kitchen marks so low? In fact the lowest. I did my best and scored during most of the term assessment, but why i couldnt get higher marks? I was devastated because at that point i start to doubt my ability in culinary because that was what i wanna do for my degree.

Never mind that, i went to ask about scholarship and my eligibility for the courses and stuff and received another blow that i wasnt qualified to further in advanced diploma in pattisserie. I was already giving up every hopes and dreams. I couldnt make up my mind to work or study anymore due to the financial.

IF only i scored 18, i had a chance to fight for 100% scholarship, now all i could fight for was an 8000 per annum.

Right now my concern was more to my heart issues. Would i wants my parents to use their EPF for my studies? Would i do well in culinary degree since results has proven me not? Would i able to fight through another 2 years?

Till now i couldnt and doesnt know what to do. Been insomnia for a week? All thoughts are coming to my mind every night. I cant stop my mind from not thinking. I feel depressed now.

I know as compared to others i have alraedy been very well for being in the top 5 of whole diploma in hospitality and getting the best mentions for the results which is congratulation from jury but..

All i have for the actual marks was at the border line. I could say its just i have lucks with me.

I M DISAPPOINTED. Most probably by this coming thursday would be knowing if i'm continuing degree.

No one can understand the dilemma and issues i face with my conscience and heart.

how does it feel

2011-06-29T14:11:00.000+08:00

How does i feel ? How do you feel?

Things are getting bad between us, mostly problems are caused by me, guess no one would understand how i felt.

been suffering hypophrenia ever since there's no college. The feels just came attacking and hardly goes away.

Life's just like this. What acn we do with it except hating it? Taking a move surely hurts either ones.

The picture awaken me instead of waiting for results, and let it lead me, i should go to the path i wants and makes a mark there. I guess i ahve been taking the easy way out? i know what i wants to study but because "i am afraid" i stop pursuing. Should i just ignore my personanility and fight hard?

Junctions of life

2011-06-27T21:49:00.000+08:00

Here i'm standing with no directions. I had too much choices in fact i doesnt know what i wants. Choices can be a good and bad thing. Just felt so lost now, heading no where. This is giving me headache and mental torture.

What u wants isnt what i want. If only anyone can understand that sentences. :(

Announcement

2011-06-24T17:02:00.000+08:00

And now i announce you that ~~i am legally married~~......

Not so soon..

Been away from here for almost 1 month, after a long tiring 2 weeks, all comes to an end.
Finally graduatted.

Yes, real thing is i'm graduated from Diploma just exactly a week ago on a Friday at this time as well.

Life has been bored so far with no direction as real result isnt out yet.

Until then, my job is rotting without pay :/

Hiatus again

2011-06-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

Will be right back after 2 weeks after the war with the finals. Stay tuned for birthday post!

Wanted

2011-05-26T15:23:00.000+08:00

How do i put all of it in thoughts?
Hmmm...

Life has been pretty average i guess, great yet not so great but manageable.
Its great to be loved and love others in return, the feeling of smiling to bed and woke up with a smile having loved ones right there.

Just concludes that there are things which doesnt matter at all because its my life and i choose whom i wants to be with, the one taht makes me smile and not put hurts into it. Had my heart heart real hurt over the weekends but its mended back by the loved ones.

The reason we felt so hurt because we cared too much, i have learn to let go. How about u?

In order to let go, we had to first get used and start over in the life. Erase the memories and make new ones with new people.

People change, people grows and we out grow each other as distance came by.. We are no longer the teenager we used to be, we no longer the classmates we used to be, we are the ME now where everything around us shaped us into a new person.

Stop being naive and innocent thinking everyone will stay beside you. Friendship doesnt really last. It depends, in order to let it last we need to first constantly water the love like how we water the flower to make it blooms.

I'm happy to be who i am today and my past doesnt matter.

Not saying anyone but just a thoughts that i felt a lto people facing.

on nom nom

2011-05-19T10:29:00.000+08:00

The most frequently visited restaurant that we went in Langkawi for the 3 months was...........................

We are so frequent until the extend we were feeding the mosquito until they are fat..

It is a nice place but do take note of the amount of mosquito, maybe put on repellent for wear long pants if you are a person that afraid mosquito bites. However, if you asked for a mosquito coil or repellent and if they were having stock of it, they might gives it to you.

Besides that, its a great great place to sit on during evening to watch sunset and later at night eat thai-malay-style food. Its by the beach, as you eat, you could enjoy music from the next pub/hang out area where they put on reggae music as lsiten to the soothing sound the the waves slapping the beach shore.

I have no picture of the food yet again. But i would recommend Pineapple fried rice. Ah..pure bliss..It atsted really really nice. I doesnt believe it at first when the room mates couple told me about it, until i tridd and i fell in love with it.

The name of the restaurant is : Haji Jelani.
There are 2 branches along the Chenang, one located beside a super market which has lesser patron i dunno why. But the food tasted almost the same.

I would recommend for a better view and romantic setting go the one by the beach.

The sunset that i managed to captured one good evening.

The tomyam there are nto bad as well, the spicy-ness could makes u sweat, at leats in my case i will sweat. It spicy hot but a nice food to stimulate the stomach and bud glands once a while. They do also offer ikan bakar and all sorts.

1 thing i miss about the place was how the way we were treated that we were offered the so called "VIP" table nearest to the beach row in the centre column. It almost everytime we were treated good. However one down part is they do not allow liquor consumption as the owner of the restaurant is a Muslim where alcohol consumption is not allowed in the religion.

Nevertheless we always broke rules and secretly bring a few can of it :)

Till then,
langkawi with joy and happiness girl

Ria orked orked ria

2011-05-18T10:20:00.000+08:00

Riang ria, datang selalu.

Okay, shall stop my nonsense thoughts.
Next food trail would be still in Langkawi, along Pantai chenang.

I would suggest Orked Ria for a chinese style dinner/ lunch. Though it is slightly overpriced but i guess what matters is it does filled the stomach and keep us sane and HAPPY :)

Tried out once there with parents and the gang at Meritus and we are quite happy with it. At least in our opinion.

Now we are back, maybe one day will be there again soon.

Taken the above image from google as we forgotten to take any pic for the name

This was the steamed fish with soy sauce, It tasted great and fresh

The sweet sour crab

The hot plate sizzling to fu

deep fried squid, crispy snacks to be enjoyed

A noodle for complement dish

Roti canai stall

2011-05-17T10:08:00.002+08:00

A roti canai stall is not a plain roti canai stall.
Lol.

Here i'm trying to imply the roti canai stall in Pantai Cenang beach langkawi, just beside the Laman padi where at night they do sell all sorts of roti. However they do open in the day but to sell fried mee, and rice with indian dishes. It is a nice place to be try out for its Roti Cheese.

Gosh, it makes me salivating at the thought of it, though i has no picture for it as i guess all of us did be looking down on a roti canai hence forgotten to take the photo of it.

It was like any ordinary roti kosong but to be filled with melted cheese. I did never get sicked of eating the Roti cheese, everyday, every week , every night just when i'm free.

There's also a money changer booth where you can change your money as well as enjoying a simple meal there. By far, it wsa the cheapest food i know that could make me full as a drink ( milo ice ) + Roti cheese could just cost me RM4.60. :)

Some images taken from google to let u have a look how a roti cheese be lloking like if u havent tried before

Try imagining the cheese softness and the smells of melted cheese as you bite the crispy roti.

This would be cheese naan, almost similar to roti cheese but i did prefer roti cheese.

Food trail @ langkawi

2011-05-16T10:08:00.002+08:00

ahh..i 'm still pretty much living in the moment of trainings stints..
Beautiful memories, perhaps this time i should be writing about the foods..
Foods..............................

The most important component in our life, the gang was so dreaded of eating salted fish, vege, fish, vege, chicken , same old meal rouitne that we got sicked and decided to have Maggi cup. :D We started the trend to buy maggi cup and eat in the cafeteria, it was fun as it attract attention . LOL

Other than that we did rather walk farrrrr farrrrrrrr away just to get out dinner done. It was fun yet sad, as we goen under the rain, the sun, the flooded road, and not to be forgotten painful sore leg.

Time to get some pic for the foodie .. It focus around the area of the Cenang beach restaurant.

1) Putumayo

Its consider a high end restaurant with the price slightly range higher, but for tourist price, it was considerable. The food was great i would say. Especially the mushroom soup, the best i ever had other than the one in Olive , genting highlands. I m still craving of teh msuhroom soup. It comes witha bread, its good to munch on something with creamy hot soup.

The highh class looks

Nice table setting to set off the mood to a great meal

Closer look of the mushroom soup.

The fried rice with the mushroom soup

This is their toilet, we all did be bewildered at the nice toilet that we only expect only hotels will be so clean and beautiful for camwhoring :P

The walkway and the eveready server at the entrance

The dim light makes it suitable for couples to dine in and feels romantic

The vanity counter

The roommates at the entrance

Till then,

xoxo

switches

2011-05-14T20:14:00.000+08:00

i hope i have this switch so that i couldn't/ couldn't/ wont feel anything or getting angry or upset.

The stick solution

2011-05-14T20:11:00.002+08:00

Nuff said

Answers to all the question

2011-05-14T20:10:00.000+08:00

Hope it answers all your questions people.

Anger

2011-05-14T20:07:00.000+08:00

The volcano eruptions is gonna burst soon.
I'm really pissed, from the day grandma passed away, you're giving me problems and hurting me and everyone until now.
I'm fed up.

I dont care if you are whoever to me, this is due to the pain u inflicted inside are deep enough that i could forgive but not forget.

The anger is just rising and it stays inside.

Long hiatus

2011-05-14T12:18:00.001+08:00

Life's too short / too long.

Been hiatus for a long time due to the ASSes and events that turn my world turmoil.
At one point i feel like giving up life, as i couldn't handle the pressures as i think the best thing to do is to LEAVE.
However i calm the emotion down and hide it , perhaps the monster will come out again soon.

Sense of belonging

2011-04-30T23:29:00.000+08:00

Maslow hierarchy ( The motivation factors)

The needs of life often starts with the basic of life which i guess i had achieve.

safety not so there yet but i will get it once i start working.

but i moved on to the love and belonging.

I dont know why but i assume its also a need of life to have a sense of belonging.

Where do i belong?

Just a lil bit tired for a moment.

Let's all break free for a moment.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Never thought i did be at this stage whereby studies is what i gave up.

Feeling down :(

I miss you .

Everynight we pray

2011-04-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

Songs define my thoughts
Picture speaks my heart
Thoughts running free with fear
Life is getting harder
I still holds on and hope and believe miracles happen.
Let just allow the time to travel us to future.

Anywhere you are i'm here

2011-04-27T22:11:00.000+08:00

Anywhere you are i hope you are doing well
Anywhere i'm doesn't matters.

I wants to stay

2011-04-27T18:04:00.001+08:00

Dont you wanna stay

2011-04-27T18:03:00.000+08:00

Love could be very beautiful at times.
It brings the smiles money couldnt buy
It brings tears that only the certain person can cause it

Its funny when two persons click together and act in the most silliest way you cant imagine

The most comforting gift anyone could offer is hugs.

Hugs posses the most miracles power that it could stop one from crying or getting mad

I love hugs, dont you love being hug? :)

I love leaning on, i would borrow u mine too <3

Sweetnesss overloaded rainbow..

suan le ba

2011-04-26T11:08:00.000+08:00

Suan le ba
Suan le ba
Suan le ba..

At times like what's more to say? Its like super duh obvious. Even the blind can feel you know :)
Why should i say more?

Bon anniversarie

2011-04-26T01:04:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday,
I had everything i wants and i hopes u has what u wish for

ILY

Weheartit.com

2011-04-25T21:55:00.000+08:00

Growing close and back to stranger

2011-04-25T13:01:00.000+08:00

The awkward feeling of meeting up talking back to the strangers who been a close people in life who then become stranger yet again.

Words for thoughts

Choked

2011-04-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

I'm choked,
choked with emotions
I feel like crying out loud but it doesnt help
why should i cry then?

why everyone around me fell for bad things?
I AM TIRED.
DEAR GOD, PLS GIVE ME TAKE A BREAK!

U wouldnt understand, i wouldnt understand, no one understands.

2011-04-24T21:55:00.001+08:00

I dont know if God is trying to test my strength but sincerely i'm surrendering.
Stop testing me to make me stronger cause it definitely doesnt makes me any stronger.
It making me weaker every single day.

It feels like the world gonna end soon.
The whole world is tumbling down.
Enough seriously.

World without strangers

2011-04-23T23:01:00.000+08:00

I bet everyone who are active in social network facebook could have seen the video "Strangers's again".
But i rather find the blog post are more interesting. It has a more complete stages of relationship.

http://wongfuphil.xanga.com/664405468/strangers-again/
Take a read and you will find it damn true.
Been thinking much after watching.

At times when everything falls apart, any single song can live a tears in the eyes.
Average of times i have been crying for past two weeks are about 4 times per week?
Been so weak and has no energy to fight anymore.

The words that make me stunned was " Going die soon, what's the point dyeing hair?"
Yes, Dad said that. Do u even know what does that means?He never been so down and negative.
It broke my heart that moment and i remained speechless throughout the next few hour. I got nothing to say.

Everyone is tired, i'm tired. If u think there's no point living then do you expect we will be having hopes to lives for the next day?

Listening to this song leavings the tears to flow for a while

Dedicated

2011-04-20T20:47:00.001+08:00

Dear self,

Its an uphill battle, its not easy.

Stay strong.

Dont lose hope yet.

If i dont lose hope u shouldn't as well.

Just a words of thoughts to peoples : If i can go through this, i believe whoever who reading this and having a harsh day seriously go have a nap and you will feel better.

Life still moves on.

Everythings is gonna be okay!

With loves and hopes,

rainbow

Out of words

2011-04-20T20:26:00.000+08:00

At this point of my life,
I dont feel i wanna have emotions,
I dont wanna keep moving on,
I prefer to just jump down form the highest block of the building.

Things just come one after another!
Now might face the possibility of going through what i have been through last week AGAIN.
What the hell is wrong with my life?
I'm very upset. Very very upset.
I heard about financial stuff, but what is it? Why need such big sum of money? Don't keep me in the dark. I hate you people!

I'm very frustrated and unhappy.
The maximum of depression.
I'm not yet ready to die or suicide. I m just very tired.
I'm depressed but i'm not crazy.

I know what is suicide.
I still has the slightest hope to hang on there.
I hope i will make it through.

Yes i am fighting, fighting and fighting. I hope i win this battle.

Nerve wrecking much

2011-04-19T22:17:00.000+08:00

A full 1 week of dramas, stress, upset, pms and all the negativeness.
Finally i call it end? Not really, its just a pause from drama as the second part will continue in June for the 2nd time hospital admittance.

Got myself really exhausted emotionally , coming back home with only source of supporter that backs me up and make sure I'm alright, Thanks love.

I'm pretty sure things are fucked up and really couldnt be bothered, sometimes its really annoying all these thoughts come attack the spirits to keep moving on, its just another blink of an eyes and everything will end, just be patience enough.

Let's just move on and walk the path of no one, I knew i had a thorny road ahead but yea, what can i do other than quitting or move on with the pain and reach the end of it?

Sometimes its not about one thing, its the accumulation of things that kept inside that changes all of us. Think about it, I'm at fault but not entirely.

How's life doing to you? Good? Bad? Care someone from the heart sincerely , don't do it because u had the responsibility, care for them and DONT OFFER ANY SOLUTIONS IF IT CANT HELPS.

I mean , yes i can feel u're trying to help but sincerely if u just care abt like 1 day and next day living life of ur own and forget about the people around you and treat them invisible , everything u do is just plain nothing.

Dont talk, use the action to show that you care. at least this is my first time i felt touched. The thoughts of your Mum saying wanna visit at hospital almost brought me to tears as i didnt expect anyone will do anything. At least your thoughts counts, thanks for giving moral support Miss Lim. I owed you like hell loads as my 6 term u provide me all the assistance and guides i needed.

Well love, i love you. Thanks. The simplest words that shows my uncountable gratitude to you.

Dear Kings and Queen,
Pls take care of ur health. I dont wants any of you to admitted anymore, its not that i feel tiring for need to look after but i really wish u both stay healthy. I cant handle you know? Pretty much being the smaller back bone to buy food, do house work and being secretary as well as organizer and the Bad Girl to be rushing u all to do this and that and being asking u all to shut up when necessary.

P/s :( Hates being so stern with the Queen on that stressful Monday midnight last week. :(

Drama to be continued....

With concern ,
The little ones

london bridge is falling down

2011-04-16T23:59:00.002+08:00

..................

Hospital visits

2011-04-13T22:38:00.000+08:00

Every fucking years i visit hospital. Happy now?
Happy that i m suffering now?
I dont bloody complain everything, its times to keep that shits insides cause history repeats.
Whole fucking shist rewind. I'm fucking tired that i ahd no sleep and not enough sleep. every single second i'm awake i'm grumpy and unhappy with stress.
You don't fucking know what i'm going through. U doesn't know what it feels like.

what's the point me telling u ppl things because all i get stay strong and shits which dont help.
And fucking facts is that i'm down, stress, NOT OKAY yet i HAD TO STAY AND PRETEND I'M OKAY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CHOICE.
Listen to that bitches bastards.

dont judge because u aint me, u doesnt know it mentally tortured i'm during every single second my eyes are open.

LEAVE ME ALONE. DONT TALK TO ME. BYE

YES I AM OKAY I AM FINE

JUST LET ME SORT THINGS OUT

I CANT BEAR ANY LONGER

Blanketee blank

2011-04-11T11:16:00.000+08:00

The whole freaking mind is just kinda screwed.
I have start to hate weekends.

bla
bla
bla
bla
bla
bla

Reason : Everey sunday night the mind would be fucked up and awake till the next morning. :(

I miss getting tired and just doze off.

Just trying hard to make every friday night the catch up day with the girls, though its just about talking silly stuff together, screaming, doing random things visit the girls house without informing.

I miss crashing the silly girl house. It happen that we wanted to go for a mamak session but the girl was so busy and she decided to dump us so we got furious we crashed her place just sit in the car in the middle of the road. We waited almost 10 minutes before someone actually wanna look at us. They couldnt be bothered, they lok, they see they ignored =.= We could have been robbers and they just dont care.

Everyone else disappoint me but u never failed to be there when i m down, u were there through thin and thick. Though we're different but somehow we clicked going down the same road, study the same thing.
Thanks honey aka siao po.

With love,
rainbow

damn right damn true

2011-04-10T15:01:00.003+08:00

http://misscampur.blogspot.com/2011/04/weve-all-changed.html

this post as i read, yes its damn true..
Thanks for the post taht reads my life story :)

Eff yeah

2011-04-10T11:36:00.000+08:00

Never look back if those at the back arent those who arent important to you.

Move on and let go.

Turn back if you found the right, perfect ones.

Friends, loved ones or gangs

Maturity

2011-04-09T13:16:00.000+08:00

Words are getting deeper and more thoughtful.

A part of me is missing the lives in Langkawi that brings me independence and theories of life. No doubt i learnt much there and gain much.

Things are getting out of control, i meant my mind, things are screwed up badly inside but yeah tried talking some sense and realise what's happening.

Just not gonna force myself, let things be and ignore.

What else can u do than ignore, sometimes the paths is the less painful ones would be ignorance.

Life's like that, so what's wrong with just dont allow ppl to hurt u? :)

Tried my best and do my best.

Easier to say than being done.

Dear expectations,

Can i broke up with u?

I'm sick of having u in my life.

U're causing me misery.

Lets go to our own path and never crossed each other.

Thanks for being there but i thinks u're going over board now.

Let's work it out or let's broke up.

From ,

Me myself.

Girls and guys

2011-04-09T11:34:00.000+08:00

feel the laughters,feel the tears,feel the complicated.

Pictures of our past makes a jokes now.

But who cares?

Thta's what makes us today isnt it?

Embraced the past and your future.

Back to school

2011-04-08T11:32:00.000+08:00

~~School?~~

Its more to university/ college life actually..ahhhhhhh

never mind, everything will comes to an end soon enough.

Peaceful nerdy life .

Let's hope.

Finger crossed!

Freshman years

2011-04-08T11:09:00.003+08:00

As i passby a group of freshman in the college i felt a sudden urge of complicated feelings.
I saw parents, brother, sisters and family with them.
I felt a warmth feeling that almost made me to tears.

It felt like they are a kid going to kindergarden. In the parents eyes no matter how grown up you are you will still be their small little boy and girl.

They will always love you no matter where you are.

You will always be a small little girl to them They live to watch u grows up but deep inside hoping you doesnt leave them when you're older.

In the same day, my mum got me a pencil box. I did not requested for it but i felt awwwwwwww... Mum realised i did not had one. Actually i did but i'm just lazy to have to open my pencil case. I feel like i'm a kid back again. That kind of feels that i couldnt describe.. And she chose a pink one for me.

Words couldnt describe what i had gone thorugh that day with all the emotions sufaces out of no where.

It brought me back to everything i been thru in the past 2 decades. I been through everything almost alone, kindergarden , primary school, secondary and even college. I never had the privilege for my parents to accomapny or wait for me to finish school. I'm just so stubborn that i prefer to be independent. But as when i neede to go far away for my training they are there to visit me every weekends or send me to the destinations and ensure i'm safe and secure before they leave.

Sometimes my words are freaking harsh with my parents it because i felt pain and hurts when you all did little things that broke my heart. I doesnt wanna see anything to be broken. I want it to be complete.

I wants this to happen

I wants these to happen.

I dont wanna be like them, I dont wanna be in the group that has family issues. I dont wants this hoem to be incomplete. All i ask for is a perfect harmony home. A simple wish i had since i'm small. I treasure the little moments.

Don't go breaking my heart to put US in the state of the new generations.

I love you all..

With love,

Your daughter

3 C's of life

2011-04-07T11:41:00.000+08:00

The 3 C's..

Credit card

Cash

Car

No, i doesnt mean that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Courtesy

Common sence

Conscience

I meant this 3 above.

I mean like seriously this is the basic of life. Some people doesnt even had that.

For example : This morning i took the train. Seeing tehre's 2 train, one confirmed got seat leaving at 734 and another might be full leaving at 719.. I thought to myself let's check the availability before i board. Here comes the train, oh, there's a few seats. Quickly queue and wanted to sit.

Then i saw this GIRL /TEENAGER who has two backside. Literally, yes. She is thin abt maybe 48 kg? Waist inch maximum 28? Bottom maybe 33? But SHE REQUIRE TWO SEATS. I stared at her and then she just look around and find for her friend from the other side of the train who on board the same station as me.

I was like what the f***? Isnt this suppose to be first come first serve? Why u book a seat for your friend? Isnt that selfish of you? And worst thing she doesnt say anything when i look at her and when her freinds come they pretend nothing.

What kind of society is this seriously?

Dont u ppl have soem common sense, conscience or at least soem courtesy to inform people? And worst i know which college they are from . S****y University College. And taking culinary arts/ hospitalilty courses.
So much of hospitaleness they practice. Tsk tsk.

If i'm in her position yes i might do that too but at least i might ask my friend to stand. Why my friend who are so fit and young cant bare to stand for a while?

I guess it has been buried in the grave yards.

What more should i say/ people these days just doesnt has the 3 ultimate C's.

Je t'aime

2011-04-07T11:31:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure of things but i'm certain of somethings :)

Picture says a thousand words.

Complicated yet again?

2011-04-06T11:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm..up to you ba..i'm gonna move on ..just a little while more and i'm out..

Dont makes ur life complicated.
You're gonna suffer over it, i suffered enough and never gonna allow myself get into that piece of shit anymore.

Its ur choice to continue that way or not :)

Bonjour

2011-04-05T11:29:00.000+08:00

Comment ca va? Comment aller vous?
Tres bien?
Je suis content pour tu?

How are you?
Great?
I'm happy for you

Lets celebrate :) months of celebration love

Teddy i love

2011-03-31T17:50:00.000+08:00

i love when you're shy
i love when we had talks
i love when we held each other tight

love binds two people from different places together

L O V E

2011-03-30T17:49:00.000+08:00

L for the lust we hold,
O for the oath we had,
V for a sweet valentine u are,
E for the eternity we believes in.

Illusions

2011-03-29T18:03:00.000+08:00

There's so much words i wish to share, pictures to be blog but knowingly i might have a risk exposing too much of my life to unknowns who might stalk me down or planning a revenge against me so i rather just keep it down and facebook would be my destination for photos to be posted :)

happy reading the blogs of vague post ,

Yours truly,

Rainbow

sweet escape

2011-03-29T17:46:00.002+08:00

Chairman, humans, secretary, lets get it started

2011-03-24T10:05:00.000+08:00

HELLO ?!?

The emotions meeting everyday in the head .

Sealed the mouth, open the eyes, and listen to it B

2011-03-23T10:04:00.002+08:00

Note to self

2011-03-22T10:01:00.000+08:00

You're gonna be okay

Things will be fine

You will get through

Its just nothing

Stay strong.

Accept people change
Accept that people leaves
Accept that hopes leads to disappointment
Accept that life has just begun.

Hurts

2011-03-21T09:59:00.001+08:00

Nuff said.. When u let people into ur life u took a risk of letting then hurt you. They stay LONG, they stay A WHILE and then they eventually HURT you.

Dont let anyone get into you.

Pills

2011-03-20T09:58:00.000+08:00

How much i wished these pills exist in life. Pop into mouth and voila you get what you wants and needs

Empty road

2011-03-19T09:57:00.002+08:00

A short but empty road ahead.

Thoughts

2011-03-18T14:12:00.002+08:00

pictures by frankie @ Meritus Pelangi walkway

wake up and face the world and to know that the next step for me is to walk away alone with the long winding road remisnicing the past of langkawi.

Langkawi with love

2011-03-15T16:04:00.000+08:00

The only 1 things that all of us looks forward to be in town during weekends. Comfort cheap food in kuah.

The people that makes my day everyday, u cant not smile with them around you.

Its great to know that we clicked so well that we maintained close contact even back in college now.

The most grateful things are we could still travel for foods and passion and hang out.

The food that everyone crave badly, not exactly food but the pork meat part is all of us craving of.

hahaha..the suckiest bah kut teh i had in langkawi along pantai chenang. :/ klang is the ze best!!!!!!

weekend beach hangout/ drinking session. miss this crazy day.

weekends relax mode

the crazy night

the best room mate that u can have.

F8 with love.

picture of me and you :) sunset cruise. miss the jacuzziiiiiiiii..

a must have in langkawi for its duty free alcohol.

lets chime and not chirp :)

a simple yet late night that is crazy enough though next day working.

Miss all the crazy moments with the awesome gangs. I miss the positiveness i had in langkawi. I miss being happy. I miss other than stress during work due to tiredness . I hate the fact i'm back here now.

I dislike city life that makes me frowns, cry ,angry ,annoy and curse.

This is what i felt @langkawi

Current feels.

Staystrongrainbowjust3moremonthstogo.Addoil.

Silence is golden

2011-03-15T10:25:00.000+08:00

The night of fear

2011-03-14T15:21:00.006+08:00

Finally the strength fades, I’m too exhausted to care anymore.

Everyone is just the same, you , you and you.

And I decided diploma is the furthest I will go, I cant push myself to degree anymore. Things fucked up and im sick of it.

U PEOPLE are fucked up as well.. thanks for the hurts actually, I began to feel numb of what u all did , one by one stab me right in the heart.

I just come up with a conclusion that EVERYONE WHO MATTERS IN YOUR LIFE AND IMPORTANT in this chapter of your life will become a PASSERBY who leaves scars/ footprints in next chapter. They are no one but a passerby.. LISTEN TO THAT.

And YES to you bitch. I know u damn smart dont need to study for the bloody stupid kitchen exam. Hey respect others la bitch. I know u only bothers to PASS, HELLO WE ME WANTS TO GETS BLOODY HIGH SCORE OF 18 AND ABOVE. FUCK YOU. YES YOU FOR FUCKING UP MY DAY WHEN I'M STRESS ENOUGH.

i'minabitchmodeuallcangotohellifcantacceptwhatiexpressimfeelingshittyandstressandnegative.

The innocence and flirtations

2011-03-14T10:23:00.000+08:00

Breakaway and getaway

2011-03-13T10:13:00.000+08:00

Play pause stop fast forward rewind

2011-03-12T10:11:00.000+08:00

How much i wish i ahd all this button tattoo in the brain and i could utilise it when i wants to.
Life is getting tough, gotta stay strong.
At the end it will be worth it when success takes place .

Everything will comes to a temporray pit stop, just that the process is a pain .

Who am i?

2011-03-11T22:01:00.000+08:00

We lost it all.

Hidden messages

2011-03-11T17:58:00.003+08:00

I will be fine just not when you makes me feel i lost the longest "relationship" i had

Maybe not, perhaps its me, its always been me .

Perhaps

2011-03-11T09:58:00.000+08:00

I had my ash wednesday celebrating at MCD and making a vows not to take fries for 40 days in addition not gonna be over emotional for 40 days. It the hardest things though, the tempations and challenges is the most common u can ever feel everyday.

There are more to list of what i can sacrifice but i shall just kept it , I needed a getaway sometimes.

1) Chocolate
2) Ice cream
3) Phone
4) Facebook

They are my temporary getaway since i had my sacrifice.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yet again i felt the same way. Perhaps i was no one to you guys seriously. Think about it , i should leave . Staying hurts u, leaving away will heal the pain though the scar is there. I'm leaving.

I wouldnt wait for you all to leave, i leave . Its easier for everyone :) Less hassle, less arguments, less hatred, less awkwardness, less laziness, less feeling left out :)

No strings attached

2011-03-07T10:21:00.001+08:00

Have been thinking wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much for the last night..

First up i had not watch the movie though i wants it so badly, sometimes there are things that are not meant to be.

I just gave up on trying to catch movi that i like cause i did be end up not watching because of time and get disappointed. No point in it isnt it?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At one moment it felt like everyone in the world turns their back to u, that u felt u're no longer exist in their world, all alone out there nowhere in their mind of life. They most probably would give some reason and hell yeah they are right , u will always be the wrong one being over demanding, insecure, the unltra sensitive friends they ever had.

Just at times i really wonder who i'm to everyone? How do u exactly define " FRIENDS" ? Or are we "no string attached"?

Someone who are there all the time then suddenly they just kicked u out of their life? Or someone who would stand by u all the time even when u're busy and they will NEVER neglect u and understand that u're having difficult times and still somes to concern about u?

ONE DAY EVERYONE IN UR LIFE BOUNDS TO LEAVE U.

"U just gotta move on and find all the short term people to fill in when people leave then u will never be alone."

Do you agree?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm no longer faking a smile on my face and be a pretender, i realise i no longer could do that. I'm just me being me. I'm happy i show, i'm unhappy i show. Sometimes being your true self is much better than being a pretender. Why pretend to be happy? Why must we satisfy others? Isnt this OUR life?

Cheers,

have a great day ahead.

illogical

2011-03-05T10:36:00.000+08:00

play time

dont u think its fun?

just cant wait to fly with baby bear

the only flight i took without parents

flying without ~~wings~~

the mind in frustrations

volleyball

bang..die...

on a nice sunny rainbow afternoon reading books with love under the trees. (imaginations)

Kids playing kite and ball in the penghulu court

Sometimes words doesnt describe everything, pictures speaks a thousand words. some makes sense some doesnt. need no one to understand my thoughts, just an expression of love , life and lust.

Thoughts of the absurd mind

2011-03-04T10:35:00.000+08:00

Crowds that barely makes u feel being noticed and left out

fly up high in sky baby

a walk by the beach with loved ones is always great isnt it?

double rainbow with greens eyeing over

pokers card of life

The relationships of life

stone : that's what i now a days do a lot

peekaboo

I love how things are sweet and sour at times

2011-03-03T09:05:00.000+08:00

Life is what you made of, true?

Sometimes during good times and bad things happen we tend to react @#$&^*($%^%@ but when during bad times good things happen we will be just normal .Why is that so?

In my point of view its just because of our realisation and the way we think and accept.

Life is sweet and sour yet bitter at times.

Life's liek a roller coaster. What goes up must come down. It goes the other round as well.

Just a simple thougghts on what friend wrote :)

Have a nice day people

a h*ll of a week

2011-03-02T20:41:00.000+08:00

I cant imagine how i been through the weekends that i had got with average 4-5 hour sleep for a at least 12 hour work.

Anyhow, i'm a happy kid today. No particular reason, its just relaxing.

I'm enjoying this, do you? :)

I will be back blogging soon.

P/s : Never let your friend to feel left out if u consider them as FRIEND .

peace out

Leaving a tears

2011-02-23T11:11:00.000+08:00

Expectation leads to disappointment.
This is what everyone has been saying, how true it is?
For me, its 100% undeniably true. It doesnt happen once or twice, in fact it happens more than what i can take.

Why was i so confident that i could nail it?
Why would i bother?
Why would i expect?
Why would i be here?

I am angry, frustrated, upset, down, depressed. Yes DEPRESSED.
This two weeks continuously i havent been happy. I tried to stay strong with the supports i have but i couldnt last long. I had enough.

I m so depressed that i have no interest in everything i do for now.

I'm unhappy!
I've never been in such depressing mood for a long time.

Diploma?

2011-02-19T22:18:00.000+08:00

It's all coming back to me.
Too tired to think of all this, this is the last 5 months of what i had left for diploma lives , its getting harder and harder by day. I couldnt withstand any longer of the stress, now its no longer about time management but people management.

I gives up. Everyone is sick , everyone need to stop bothering like everyone else. But i'm so failure that i couldnt being ignorant. I doesnt wanna risk my lives or others peoples lives because of i'm happy i dun bother. I cant be like so selfish. I wish so hard i'm so selfish. . The amount of times i had broken down lately all alone had been too much.

Being at home doesnt helps much, there are more stress when i comes home . Isn't home a place u feel comfort and stress- less? Why i feel the opposite?

I made a choice of trying to strike 18 marks and above for the rest of this two terms so that i could get 18 for my final's in term 6. I needs scholarship to survived. Even with scholarship i'm still struggling. Maybe that's the reason i really doesnt wanna waste my time in college being useless. I feel guilty, i feel depressed because i m not supporting my own lives with my money, I had no money to support myself. I'm on loan and yes, it means i'm in debts.

After june i'm finishing diploma so what? IT doesnt guarantee my anything, there are loans for me to settle, responsibility to bear and dilemma to face. I wants to CONTINUE MY DEGREE but i got no money. I cant bear the guilt of burdening people to fetch me, i cant withstand the pressure and stress.

I'm the youngest doesnt mean i'm spoiled fully. I'm the most rebellious but i'm not money waster. I understand money doesnt falls from heaven. i treasures my studies.

Pls respect others and yourself. TQ. Pls have some considerations and brains .

The questions till lingers, i'm eager to study like all my friends does but i couldnt because i know its not easy for my family or even myself. If i'm born in such a way taht i'm a selfish bitch then i could force my parents to allow me to study. But i'm not, even if they wanna let me study i have an answer in my heart to say no because i know its not a small sums of money.

Just a rants that i kept for long.

14th 02 2011

2011-02-14T21:26:00.000+08:00

It marks a special date but i had mine everyday. It doesn't matter whether i had everyone in my life or not, all i need was you.

I had awesome time with u love, thanks for the two days. I miss you.

I miss rabbit, parrots, poney and swimming with you. :)

Bunny hop bunny jump

2011-02-05T19:09:00.000+08:00

What’s more can I say other than times flies fast?

Today is the 3rd of CNY , my past two days has been good .

For most of us Chinese there has this reunion but one out of the few that has no reunion or sorts, all we did on 30th which is the eve of CNY was last minute shopping, I cooked / reheat the food and everyone take plates then go own way either into the room/ living room to watch tv.

1st of CNY wasn’t that great as well, waking up and rotten myself for few hours till aunt came, followed by dad’s colleague den out for uncle’s birthday and reunion.

2nd of CNY was the best so far, spend some time at home with the family, den Rain came to fetch me out  to meet the subang-ers, kl-ians, and usj-ians at BBK mamak. During all the waiting we took a bet and I lost  When all are there we proceed to Jasmine house. Biscuits, and gamblings are the actvities there. Next pit stop was moi house , gambling then Rains house. That’s the ost epic and highest note of the day when Jasmine entered the wrong house :/ LOL Then makan makan session, gambling yet again. Thu Hoong was the winners of the day, he owed us a meal nevertheless. It was fun to gather together and enjoy each other accompany . I love bonding sessions , it lift’s one up and its very fun 

As I typed this, I’m in the car going to PD for grandma’s place, along the 1 hour journey ago, many things has gone through my mind, what’s my future? What I shud do next? I know I shouldn’t be worrying all this during CNY, lets face it, if I dun think about it now, later on I still has to. It seems that the future are so misty, I cant c clear path. Perhaps I should stop where I’m and pursue something else. Its not easy, no one said its easy.

P/s what would you do? Studies? Working?

will upload the pics when i'm free

Mc pork pork has her mcd days great

2011-02-01T15:41:00.000+08:00

It all begun when one day the trios and a few others decided to have lunch on a friday at MCD . Firstly they walk to their car then they stopped by the Mentari MCD outlet .

Next the Girl by the name of VV Chai queued up to buy the Mc chicken set and she gotten a Mc chicken deluxe and she still blurs and her friend by the name John F. Kennedy ask her to just accept it and eat it since its the mistake of the mcd fella. Then the gang was so happy and they decided to buy lottery ticket by the number 1140.

The friends called and bought it for the saturday draw. One day passed everyone is busy doing their stuff in their respective life. The i being the kind soul went to check the website of Da Ma Cai and jeng jeng jeng......................................................................

Jeng Jeng Jeng........................................

Will they win 12500 bucks to buy their fairlady tyres , sponsor for their upcoming event, and save money?

*rollllllllllllllllllllll the drumssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*

Jeng jeng jeng..

Everything gone :(

No more fairlady tyres, no more sponsorship.

Why?

2011-02-01T15:31:00.000+08:00

This questions always plays in the mind, it never failed to question myself and makes me frustrated.
In fact i'm too tired to care. Rainbow, move on. FORGET and FORGIVE.

You ,i dunno if u knew i'm talking bout u. think about it was i responsible for everything or was it OURS?
yes, they says its all misunderstanding.

EVERYONE is bloody BUSY. my ASS.

I need to rant, i need to rant i need to rant.

Why everything must changed? I'm so tired. I has changed into a better person as i see myself spending more time with the family, i have begun to treasure the happy moments at home . I dont know why but now i love being with ze parents and being a small girl to be pampered.

That's the reason i've been losing interest in evreything else.

The amount of years we had wouldnt prove anything do U noe that?
Yes u were there, was one of the closest whom i'm shared everything. But did U realise u started to being unfair?

Think about it.............

I'm still not able to get over it that i'm mad at you. Its gonna be awkward for a moment. I ahd no guts to confront u about it cos i felt at the end it wouldnt bring any benefits. Its gonna jsut makes our heart aches more.
I've been observing u how u treat others when u say something ans u did something else. Why did u change become a hyprocrite? Will u backstabbed me one day? Will u betray me one day?

Why does evrything has to reach this point?

Why? WHY? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Dear lie
You suck
You said you could fix anything
Instead I'm fucked
You made things even worse for me
If I had balls I'd tell you get away from me
Guess I'm not smart
I let you unnerve me
I let you control me
Afraid the truth would hurt me
When it's you that hurts me more

Chorus:
T-Boz & Chilli:
Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Stop puttin' words in my head
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me (out of me)
Out of me
Out of me lie
Lie lie lie lie

What's right for me?

2011-02-01T15:11:00.000+08:00

What's right for you?
What's right for me?

The most hectic month - January has just passed by, i've spent it wisely yet stresfully.
How about u? how are you doing?

I've gain pain, sweats, tears, smiles and laughters from what i have been thru in just a 3 days span .

One of the friday was the service class, everything goes quite badly but nevertheless i have fair share of laughters that my guest brought in for me.

tq jie shen for the pictures

That particular night i felt so agitated by someone that i broke down because of guilt, tiredness as well as annoyance.

The next day the journey begins as early as 5.30 to go for college and took the bus for a broga hill trip.

Group pictures before the hike

The one and only toilet before hiking. I dare u to enter and comes out with a smile

Half way to the first hill has cause my heart to pump blood like hell fast i couldnt breathe.

The people who brings the tiger beer up the hill. salutation to them

The beautiful scene that makes the hike worth it. Better pictures @ facebook.

The rock where we rock

The trio's :)

Stoner on the action

Peek ka boo <3

Let me start describing a bit about the trip. This hill named Broga hills actually situated in selayang/ nilai.
First when u reach it will see a rabbit farm then starting from there the journey up to first hill approxiamtely takes 30-45 minutes? It depends on ur stamina and strength. It not an easy task to hike up or even comes down. There's 2 hill but we managed to climb only one hill. The screnery and atmosphere up there is maginficent. Its fun to hike in a grop but makes sure prepare some towel, water and most important camera :). Spent an hour or so at there taking picture and relax then slide down/ walk down the hill. I had phobia as i couldnt stand or walk straight without leg weak. My muscle somehow decided to betray me and makes me tremble and insecure as i comes down from the hill. I dare not take the road not taken to slide down as i know it will cause hand to be blistered.
But we managed to come down save in a piece. Its a great place to just relax, best comes early to spot sunrise :)

Ending the post with the picture of us

Weeks of complications

2011-01-20T17:34:00.000+08:00

Yelllllllllooooooooooo helllllllllllllooooooooo

Just to update the dead blog with rants.

Things getting harder, more stressful as well as the number of hours of sleep are getting lesser, irking me most of my morning annoying thg crap out of me.

Pressures coming in, still trying to balance everything and be happy.

Practically my whole life now revolves in college, nothing fun :(

Trip is coming, super tiring day is coming. Nevertheless looking forward .

P/s i miss you

Reincarnation

2011-01-15T14:56:00.000+08:00

New year, new lease of life.
Brand new look, brand new attitude, brand new mind.
Soon stepping into the adolescent stage, age no longer start with 1, its now 2.

More things to be worried about, more responsibilities as well as need to be more matured.
Langkawi has been a past, i guess there's not much i wanna post about it or maybe when i feel like doing it then most probably i would.

People changed people grows. This phrase has been almost up in the blog for umpteen times but it stills can be applied.

College has started, so far i still could cope but just couldn't bare with the stress sometimes. 6 more months i graduate. That would be fast, what matters now are getting good grades and apply for scholarship and start a new lease of education life.

This is what i have been doing for the 1st week of classes, getting out of class and fidn a spot for un professional photoshoot

May the Pork be with you ang pao's

Celebrating lecturer's birthday which suppose to be a surprise

Group pictures. Spot the new look :)

May the world gives u happiness and loves :)

End the post with a picture of the twins

deux zero un zero

2010-12-31T17:43:00.000+08:00

It has come to an end for the year 2010, we had to start a new chapter of life starting tomorrow.
Like it or not , this year has been a roller coaster ride.
Its my second year in diploma, twice going for internship respectively at Port Dickson and Langkawi.
Nevertheless i had an awesome time when i'm doing my intern, a memories that is carved deeply in the heart.

List of thing that had been done :

Independantly living my own life for 6 months cooking, washing everything by my own hand.
Taken a flight back in a plane alone.
Clubbing with the girls
Made cheese cakes, ginger bread cookies, choc chip cookies, and all sorts of baking.
Struggle through 2 terms of college getting a not bad result.
Still staying in love with the same person i loved

Event that happen :
Uncle had passed away.
Fell down from bus that leave a long scar on the leg
Beloved babes, fion left us for further studies .
Went genting with vv had awesome time there
Celebrate christmas with the babes
Celebrate birthday alone with friends by the beach, simple yet meaningful.

Till then..
Hapy new year peoples.

xoxo

My dreams

2010-12-21T17:44:00.000+08:00

It has been the 120 hours i step down back from the magical island Langkawi.
Smiles, laughters, craziness, stress free , relazation is all i had over there. The most enjoyable time of my life.
I still couldnt get over it.

...

2010-10-08T16:14:00.000+08:00

shitty feels..

sometimes its just because u tends to care too much that u hurt urself..

expectations leads to disappointment

you need not be me to understand me.

a mask enough to tell u i'm fine when i'm not.

thanks for caring and act as if u knew what i feels

thanks for ignoring me

thanks for this shits

leave me alone

The C to H to the A-w-e-s-o-m-e-n-e-s-s

2010-10-06T22:13:00.001+08:00

Cameron highland trip was ze best trip in college life so far..

With the fun and relaxation i had i could say i wouldnt forget it not until i graduate..

Thanks to MR REMON MELCHIZEDEK who made me cant sleep and not allowing me slept from 7am till 10 pm..

The night before i did not get 5 hour sleep at all.. And getting hyper the next day was a difficult task but i managed to pull through.. :)

The air i breathe there are much fresher, cleaner and chiller..* mind my language*

Love how the sky, the cloud, the wind , and every part of cameron that makes me feel the place is perfect.

There's so much things that my words couldnt describe it out.. Its all kept in my thoughts..

Picture perfect memories lies in the head.

Let my picture do my talking..

the land of purple

blue and green goes well together

the cloud that decide to let me goes gaga

the love shape for the loved ones

the fruits the land is famous for

everlasting at 4 bucks?

the road that takes our dreams to

beautiful scenery

the magnificent sky

the famous strawberry farm

ze owner

the sun is playing peek a boo

the classic looks

the three companions

lost in my purple dreams

How to smile? follow the guide as above

the low profile land that gives smile to me

ze owner and twins

The serenity of life lies in the head.. I will be gone and will be back in 3 months for a better greater piece of thoughts.. December :)

Virginity

2010-10-05T16:39:00.000+08:00

The Raya break was awesome..

The only time i felt so refreshed and happy..

First time ....
I went for body massage , the stress was all gone and was so relaxing..

I went to Genting outdoor theme park with friends and had myself the awesome-est day.. Smile, laugh, crazy and tears.. I still miss bumper boat.. The experience is undescriable when u had your friends with you.. 70 bucks day trip wit fun people and the laughters you get is so worth it..

the best..always fail to scream no matter how much i tried

rejang boat..the best among the best..loves..

bumper boat, crazy fun

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! :)

ferris wheel..feel the love?

scream your lungs out?

Genting bus return : 40++ including unlimited outdoor theme park..what more to ask?

The amount of time i had for myself that i managed to had my "me-time"

After raya weeks, had the cameron trips.

meh

2010-09-29T08:53:00.001+08:00

hectic hectic hectic
hormonalimbalanceheadacheweirdcycleexhausted

week 10 is here,
another 13 days to be exact will be flying off not far, just langkawi.

Havent been in a plane for almost 5-6 years.
Reality kicks in, fairytale goes out.

Need the positiveness..
Looking out for you